Red Devils No More: Football League

[thechurchofsatan]

Red Devils No More: Football League
A brief lecture about what to do and what not to do when starting a domestic league.

Written by Northern Sunrise Islands for the 2014 NS World Fair.

Hello, Merry Christmas, Salutations and so on and so forth. Now, thank you for taking a bit of time out of your day to read my lecture. I'm not exactly sure whether you're really interested on the Sports section or if you're just bored, but either way, thanks for being here and taking a look at what I'm writing.

Now, for those who don't know, countries tend to have a national football league, disregarding of its' size and relevance under other criteria and just like real life, you (yes, even you, Alex) can also have a football league for your nation, using any style, number of teams, times each team faces each other, tiebreakers, whatever. However, there's a small difference between making a league and making a special league.

Ladies and Gentlemen, football is one of the best ways to represent culture and the way each team looks will quickly push what's the idea behind your nation. If your nation is a Central American look-a-like, they'll depend heavily on a couple of teams named after cities (i.e. San Salvador, Kingston) on the same way a nation based after Japan will probably have most of its teams' names based on the traditional City and Nickname format (i.e. Kashima Antlers, Ventforet Kofu). After this lecture, you'll get a couple of tips from someone who has done leagues more than it's healthy to do.

I - Never straight out copy popular football teams...
That's one of the biggest points I have to stress on. See, ladies and gentlemen... Bayern Munchen, Real Madrid, Manchester United (see, that's why I named the lecture like this), Lyon? These are big teams, teams that have powerful bounds to its' region and unless you're bringing their RL territory into your nation or something like that, I'd heavily suggest you not to do it. And even then, you need to be extremely careful. Their rosters shouldn't flat out bring their current players, their crests should be changed heavily or else it'll feel like it was completely copied out because of flat lazyness. So yes, wanna copy Barcelona? OK. But don't bring Messi and make sure to change their look if shown. It'll be better in the end.

II - ...but you can make use of real life Tropes.
See this, kids? This is Wikipedia's Association Football Club Names List, where you can take some of what I call "Tropes". If you're familiar to TV Tropes, you know how these work out. If you don't, Tropes are a good way to examine works of art or even real life and just as much, your football league can make use of these out. Now, remember, play with these tropes out since not all of them are applicable to your actual nation, unless your nation is the newest "Good God, We Glued All Countries In One And Resized It".

III - Nerd References are OK.
Just like some people tend to name their pet or god knows what after Doctor Who (or whatever you feel like using for reference), nobody is going to see a bad thing if one of Your Leaguetm Campeonato Premier has on its' Matchdays, showdowns between Steelport Hackers and CA San Andreas or Mushroom Plumbers and Green Hill Sonics or Python Sillywalkers and Roy's Rovers. Besides, these references might be a nice way to introduce some less realistic elements to your country. Or to just show that the people on your place really enjoyed The Simpsons before they jumped the shark the first time.

IV - Inside Jokes are acceptable...
So, you can't use Manchester United, right? You still can use Womanchester United or Ladychester United or even Ladchester United. The use of inside jokes isn't something bad...

V- ...as long as you dose them.
Just because you can do that at IV, doesn't mean you're going to fill everything out of some silly jokes. Sure, it's clever to take the Scottish Premier League and switch the four first letters to Lost (Lost County, however, does sounds pretty nice), but eventually, the joke wears thin. And that's where you end up having to pick between keeping the same joke every now and then or if you're going to go through a more serious route.

VI - Invest on Crests.
A league based out of names can be alright, but it's Crests that make it look better. Unique, if you may. Now, that doesn't mean you're obligated to have them done, but it's not going to hurt if you have them. And even if you can't make them, it's not hard to find someone on NS Sports that isn't keen on helping you around.

VII - Puppet Leagues aren't really taken that seriously, so relax.
If you feel like making a league more relaxed, you could do a puppet league. While you can only have two UICA-affiliated leagues, there isn't a cap on leagues, as long as you post them on your personal newswire. Puppet Leagues in general can be handled on different ways and their existence can allow for some interesting interaction between teams.

VIII - Remember those teams you made up when you were young?
Now, some of us had the habit of writing made-up stuff on notebooks when we were young. Say, if you still have them, you could use those writings to make up your league. Hell, what's the best way to start your dream league by... well, going through your old dreams? Your youth days knew it best, so make use of them if you feel like it.

IX - I wasn't really meant to bring this up, but...
Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, when there was no such thing as humanity, there was an ape named Santa of K- Wait, wrong script. Once upon a time, Commerce Heights created a name generator with some of the languages from the old days. However, that also included a club name generator based on the old teams of the time. You can always use these, but please remember that some of these teams were used by older users if not by current users. So use these carefully.

X - It's all a game.
The main reason I'm doing this is because, if you really care about having a football league, then you'll need these tips because of how awful you'll probably end up feeling if you make a league that has some poor touches or happens to be taken nearly copy-pasted from Wikipedia. But if you're one of those people who don't feel like the league should take too much of your time, feel free to do what you want. It is a game after all.

And there you go, my eight tips for anyone who feels like starting a football league. Now, while this isn't suggestions on where to invest on the stock market or how to power your television via sunlight power, I hope I was of assistance and remember, heads up, smile because future is always on your way.

Merry Christmas from Northern Sunrise and a Happy New Year!