[Draft] Commend Neasmyrna/Petalumadom

[Lenlyvit]

So, I wasn't really sure where to put this so I guess I'll put it in this subforum. I posted it to the XKI forum as well for feedback, but not everyone here can see that. I've been working on this draft for about a week or so, but believe it still needs a lot of work to make it better and have the holes filled in. I'd greatly appreciate those who were around while Neasmyrna was looking this over and giving feedback .

The Security Council,

Believing in the longstanding tradition of commending nations that have had a lasting impact upon the international community;

Noting that one such nation with a long history in the Multiverse is known as Neasmyrna, the founding nation of the region 00000 A World Power (herein known as AWP);

Emphasizing the fact that 00000 A World Power was a major defender power due to Neasmyrna's leadership, where they held the position of Head of State leading the regions government;

Highlighting Neasmyrna's role within the defender-oriented sphere, where they helped many defenseless communities in various ways including:

• Leading the large scale Liberations of Concosia, Venice, Iran, Anarchy, and Sweden as well as many others while being the commander of the A World Power Armed Forces (AWPAF).
• Organizing and leading the refounding of the region Egypt.
• Leading and organizing the combined forces of AWP, Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), Taijitu, The Genesis Federation, Lichentia, and The YoungWorld to assist natives of The North Pacific in overthrowing the rogue delegacy of Lewis & Clark which ultimately reinstated Great Bights Mum as delegate.
• Mentoring multiple other famous defenders, such as Numero Captain, Tupelope, Dyr Nasad, and Neanbear.

Admiring Neasmyrna's dedication to keeping the Feeder and Sinker regions free from oppression by protecting them from various coup dètats, including:

• The attempted coup of The North Pacific by Emperor Matthius.
• The attempted coup of The East Pacific by the group named Empire.
• The two attempted coups of The Rejected Realms by Emperor Matthius and RedKagran.
• The two attempted coups of Lazarus by Viceroy Victorious and Hellraiser.

Observing that through the puppet government of the nation Petalumadom they held the position of Minister of Education in 10000 Islands, as well as served in the region's defender military TITO with distinction;

Further Noting the fact that Neasmyrna contributed to one of the largest interregional defender organizations ever created, the Founderless Regions Alliance, where they served as Chief of Defense over multiple terms;

Concluding that Neasmyrna is deserving of recognition by the Security Council for showing honor, bravery, and fortitude in their quest to protect innocent regions from invasion and occupation,

Hereby commends Neasmyrna.

[Twobagger]

The Security Council,
[...]

• Leading the large scale Liberations of Concosia, Venice, Iran, Anarchy, and Sweden as well as many others while being the commander of the A World Power Armed Forces (AWPAF).
• Organizing and leading the refounding of the region Egypt.
• Leading and organizing the combined forces of AWP, Ten Thousand Islands Treaty Organization (TITO), Taijitu, The Genesis Federation, Lichentia, and The YoungWorld to assist natives of The North Pacific in overthrowing the rogue delegacy of Lewis & Clark which ultimately reinstated Great Bights Mum as delegate.
  
• Mentoring multiple other famous defenders, such as Numero Captain, Tupelope, Dyr Nasad, and Neanbear.

Admiring Neasmyrna's dedication to keeping the Feeder and Sinker regions free from oppression by protecting them from various coup dètats, including:

• The attempted coup of The North Pacific by Emperor Matthius.
• The attempted coup of The East Pacific by the group named Empire.
• The two attempted coups of The Rejected Realms by Emperor Matthius and RedKagran.
• The two attempted coups of Lazarus by Viceroy Victorious and Hellraiser.

Observing that through the puppet government of the nation Petalumadom they held the position of Minister of Education in 10000 Islands, as well as served in the region's defender military TITO with distinction;

[...]

A few things:

• Given the fate of Concosia, I'd maybe leave that off the list or at least consider not placing it first, especially since the other regions are prominent enough.
• One of the coups made it into two different places on your list. I get why you'd put it in both places, but it makes it seem like you don't have that much to go on since you're repeating material.
• Instead of saying that they were Minister of Education, you could explain what they did in that position. Note: if it's just "helped integrate newer members into XKI," I'd argue that Petal did that much more effectively in other roles and I'd suggest describing those instead. This clause also (imo) omits their most significant contributions to XKI in favor of including their TITO service, which - absent any awards or mentions of knighthood - I'd argue doesn't really fit among everything else they did.

[Tinhampton]

Some quibbles:

1. Please do not define acronyms that you do not use later in your proposal, as you did with AWPAF.
2. In the NOTING clause, you abbreviate 00000 A World Power's name as AWP, but then go on to use its full name rather than AWP in the EMPHASISING clause.
3. There should be an apostrophe in "the regions government."
4. Finally, I've never seen you italicise rather than bold your operative clauses